Since the year 2000 the world seems to have only existed in one dimension...

DIMENSION WANKER!

*creepy Twilight Zone music concluded with a splat noise*.

Fuck me, every time I read or watch the news I become filled with anger and disappointment about how stupid, arrogant and totally fucked up the world really is. So once again I have picked a few key articles out. These articles within their own headlines are so rife with stupidity I feel it my obligation... my duty... MY SERVICE TO YOU... to analyse and magnify the high levels of "stupid" within them.


Hollywood adds to violence, says Kidman
Nicole Kidman conceded on Wednesday that Hollywood probably has contributed to violence against women by portraying them as weak sex objects.

Who the fuck is Nicole Kidman!? Oh is she that washed up actress who used to be pull big bucks after straightening her hair, dying her hair, getting heaps of plastic surgery and fluking ONE Oscar Award win? Okay then, now we've cleared that up, why is it important what she has to say about this topic? Apprently a crowd of people lined the streets to hear this stupid woman speak? SHE'S AN ACTRESS YOU FUCKS! The best is yet to come.

Kidman, a goodwill ambassador for the United Nations Development Fund for Women (UNIFEM - wow look! It's just like ID4 - this could next your next movie, Nic!), states that Hollywood's depiction of women does not help the case of violence against women (here's his fucking violence against women thing. What the fuck is wrong with violence against PEOPLE!? - Sighs...) with most women roles consisting of weak sex objects. She was quick to follow that up by saying she has never played such a role and isn't interested in ever playing such a role. Excuse me, Nic, but as if you get offered any fucking roles for any fucking movies anymore. Come oooon, don't pretend! But hey, if you ever DO get offered such a role, maybe you should take it. Who knows? People might actually start heading out to the theatre to watch movies starring you again! Not likely though.

The funniest part is she has played a role where she used sexuality as a tool to confuse, Billy Zane, her captor, in the film 'Dead Calm'. Not only did she use her "sex object" appearance to do this, but he also spends many parts of the movie bashing her around and technically rapes her in the film. So, Nic, you're very wrong, you have portrayed this role before. Maybe she forgot she was in the movie because she looks NOTHING like she did back then. Comparison? Sure:



Had any work done? No, of course not, go have a fucking smoke ya bitch!


Smith cautious on sabotage reports
Foreign Minister Stephen Smith has played down reports a boat carrying 78 asylum seekers was deliberately sabotaged before being rescued by the Australian navy.

Mr. Smith - you are a fuck face. You know damn well scumbags who jump borders would be capable of risking their lives (even further beyond the limit of sailing illegally to another country) just to be let in, so don't defend the cunts. You know what, I wont even waste my time discussing this - here's my run down on this story:

IF YOU HAVE THE MONEY TO PAY CRIMINALS TO SMUGGLE YOU INTO ANOTHER COUNTRY BUT DON'T HAVE THE MONEY TO DO IT LEGALLY - YOU DESERVE TO DROWN WHILE YOU'RE BREAKING AN INTERNATIONAL LAW.

IF YOU'RE CHILDREN ARE SICK OR HUNGRY DURING THE SAID SMUGGLING JOURNEY - THIS IS YOUR FAULT AND YOU SHOULD REMIND THEM OF THAT AS THEY DIE / CRY / WHATEVER IN YOUR HANDS.

WHAT'S ONE SAYING ALMOST ALL OF US KNOW - CRIME DOESN'T PAY. IF I MOVED INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE OVER NIGHT THROUGH THEIR BACK WINDOW WOULDN'T THEY CALL THE POLICE? SO TO ALL THE BLEEDING HEARTS - SHUT THE FUCK UP - THEY ARE CRIMINALS.

Done.


Aussie man first to buy Windows 7
A Sydney man has become the first person on the planet to legally buy a copy of Microsoft's new operating system, Windows 7.

OH MY FUCKING GOD! THAT MAN WITH THE RIDICULOUS LOOKING HEAD HAS THE FIRST OVER PRICED RETAIL COPY OF WINDOWS FUCKING 7!! HOLY FUCKING SHIT! QUICK GET THE CAMERAS OUT! WE CAN'T MISS THIS! THIS IS GONNA GET ME A NOBEL PRIZE IN 'ASSHOLENESS'!

Well if that IS what the journalist's were saying while filming 'Windows 7 man', then they're right, they certainly DO deserve the Nobel Prize in being an asshole. Is this what the fucking news has come to? The first copy of Windows 7!? You fucking twits, this shit has been available via FREE download on Microsoft's website for a fucking year at least! Do you know how many people have actually OPERATED Windows 7 already? Idiots! Look at this stupid photo:



He's holding a fucking shrink wrapped box for god's sake. He hasn't even used it before. He's not even one of the people who has downloaded it to test out of the Beta! He's just some wanker among so many who's gotten all excited about a fucking hype campaign and can't wait to get home, install it, become frustrated with it's errors, settle into a state of denial and insist on downloading every update and then finally give up to go masturbate to porno he downloaded on his other computer that runs an extremely capable Windows XP.


Govt 'could do more' for foreign doctors
The federal government should be doing more to encourage foreign trained doctors to come Australia, the country's peak medical group says.

Another brilliant quote from the government. Fuck, I swear they're all just ape's wearing suits and human head masks. Complete and utter fucking morons. Yeah, Australia REALLY NEEDS MORE FOREIGN PROFESSIONALS! Because I love the communication break down every time I order a pizza with a custom ingredient and it's delivered with said customisations completely ignored. I love the difficulty I have in doing anything regarding bills over the phone because I and the person on the other end do not understand each other one fucking bit. I love getting into a taxi and having to spell every fucking letter of the address I'm heading to and then waiting for the guy to punch it into his GPS because he's only been in the country for 5 minutes. I absolutely ADORE having to ignore my symptoms at the doctor because the fucking guy speaks such LITTLE English I know he's not going to understand me anyway and nothing will get done about it!

Here's an idea - government - you fucks. Why don't you fix that huge tear in the social fabric of this one beautiful country so kids feel a desire to learn again because they come from loving and capable families. How about you do something about making education more fucking affordable. How about you address the bigger fucking picture for once so that this country can take care of itself instead of turning to foreigners for every fucking answer. You do it with the tradesmen too! Oh we encourage foreign tradesmen to come to Australia and work! What about the fucking Australians you dick burgers!? Fix the foundation of our nation before saturation due to immigration (say all that fast and rappy) - WORD!


Goldman Sachs boss Lloyd Blankfein says banks do 'God's work'
The chief executive of Goldman Sachs, which has attracted widespread media attention over the size of its staff bonuses, believes banks serve a social purpose and are doing "God's work".

The head line of this article should be changed to:

"Lloyd Blankfein has so much money to waste on copious amounts of cocaine that he now suffers from a bipolar disorder in which he believes he is GOD."

Yes, Lloyd believes he is a bank doing "god's work". Shit, maybe he's right? God does seem to be a fair bit of an asshole especially when everytime thousands of people die it's simply god doing things in "mysterious ways". Well, mysterious indeed. There is nothing MORE MYSTERIOUS than thousands of innocent people dying! Nevertheless, Lloyd and god do have much in common. They're both life sucking greedy pigs leading the vaccuum of social decency until we're all walking around killing each other for extra cash while Lloyd and god live in luxurious skyscrapers above the clouds. I wonder if god wipes his ass with 100 dollar notes too?

To quote Lloyd, ""Companies that grow create wealth." Do they Lloyd? How come every large company "creating wealth" seems to cut it's staff by the thousands every time they lose a dollar? Being complete fucking assholes isn't enough, you now have to rant and rave like a fucking lunatic about how you're doing god's work and that you're actually HELPING the people!?

These sorts of people deserve death. Eat a fist after it's just come out of Elton John's ass you fuckface.


Do not hug, primary school sweethearts told.
A South Australian primary school has banned Year 6 and Year 7 students who are "boyfriends or girlfriends" from hugging.

... *head pops from entering a blackhole vortex of stupidity*.

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Thanks goes out to ninemsn for their "journalism" and their endless quest to cover the most mundane and demented of cutting edge news. Hey, ninemsn, your movie journalist sucks you jerks! He knows NOTHING!

After looking at all these headlines - I ask you - is THIS it!? Is this all that is coming to us!? Are we destined to hurtle further into a vortex of stupidity. We are spiralling out of control faster than the rate of which Paris Hilton's toilet constantly drains her finger enduced alcohol dominated vomit.

PIC

We are living in a world polluted with hype, trends, ignorance, egotism, shallow ideals and vanity. It's all fucking over my friends. IT IS ALL OVER!

Kill us all - we need it.