What the FUCK has happened to music in the new millenium!? Maybe I'm an 80s/90s guy but everytime I turn the radio on (rarely) to listen to Hamish and Andy I'm fucking astonished by how bad the music is.

One late night I happened to have the radio on in a daze of zombification thanks to sleep deprivation and there was an interview with some R & B chick whose name escapes me right now (escaping me in that I cared so little about who she was I didn't fucking pay attention to her name because all these R & B cornbread eaters are the same). In this interview she was praising Akon for what an amazing song writer he is and for how fast her wrote the song "Sexy Bitch" about her.

Now having a song about you titled "Sexy Bitch" is surely enough to warrant her praise but no, she was further impressed by the speed in which he wrote this no. 1 song. So let's explore how amazing the lyrics are in this song.

*PS. These lyrics are copied and pasted how I found them at MUSIC LOVERS GROUP. Note the horrendous spelling mistake on a word like rumour, being spelt roomer, yet they have mastered the art of spelling hoe, booty, bitch and whore. Does it say something about the people who allow songs like this to become no. 1 sellers? Yes! It says absolutely everything! They're fucking morons. Now to the song!

David Guetta feat Akon - Sexy Bitch

Yes I can see her
Cause every girl here wanna be her...


Ohh she's a diva
They feel the same and i wanna meet her
They say she low down, its just a roomer and i don’t believe them
they say she needs to slow down
the baddest thing around town

She is nothing like a girl you've ever seen before, nothing you can compare to your neighborhood hoe
I’m trying find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin i just cant take no more
Have to stop what I'm doing so I can pull her close
I'm trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

(Damn Girl)

Chorus
Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl
Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl

Yes i can see her
Cause every girl here wanna be her…

Ohh she's a diva
They feel the same and i wanna meet her
They say she low down, its just a roomer and i don't believe them
they say she needs to slow down
the baddest thing around town

She is nothing like a girl you've ever seen before nothing you can compare to your neighbourhood whore
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin' I cant take no more
Have to stop what I'm doing so I can pull her close
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful

(Damn Girl)

Chorus
Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl
Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl

Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl
Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, A SEXY BITCH

(outro)

------------
Now, I'll give you a second to look up some of those intense words in the dictionary because I realise to understand such a complex song you'd either need to have an astounding vocabulary indexed in your brain or you would need a dictionary. Sarcasm? Fuck me it's the strongest use of sarcasm to this date in my existence! These fucking lyrics are a joke! Goddamn, I'm into death metal and I still say Cannibal Corpse lyrics have more depth than this fucking song and THEY SING ABOUT FANTASTY SITUATIONS OF DEATH, RAPE AND NECROPHILIA!

So anyway, this R&B chick in the interview clearly has alot of self respect being so happy with Akon's lyrics about her. Secondly, Akon is one smart mother fucker. He must have alot of time to think about his lyrics while he's polishing his bling and shopping for potential gold grills because this certainly shows the extent of his lyrical intensity!

Sarcasm again? Fuck yes! The last session of sarcasm is NOTHING compared to how sarcastic that was just then!

"Yes i can see her
Cause every girl here wanna be her..."

Yes you can see her? That's good to know fuck face. That's a nice fucking filler line son. Yes, I can see her. On top of that, did you know that every girl there wanna be her? I think he means "because every girl here wants to be her" but he doesn't need to pronounce words properly, he's black and that's hip.

"Ohh she's a diva
They feel the same and i wanna meet her
They say she low down, its just a roomer and i don't believe them
they say she needs to slow down
the baddest thing around town"

She's a diva, check. They feel the same and you wanna meet her? Who feels the same? The girls you mentioned who want to be her? It can't be though because then in your next line you continue to state that "they" (the girls) say SHE low down. So surely they don't want to be her if they think "she low down"? Still, I'm just assuming "THEY" is the girls you mentioned earlier who want to be her. I can't tell though because the lyrics are vague and stupid. Anyway, you don't care if "they" say she low down because you think it's a rumour (or a roomer - maybe that's blackian for rumour? I'll assume this is how the intelligent fan of Akon who did these lyrics thinks rumour is spelt, but hey this could also reflect Akon's spelling ability). But wait, now THEY are ALSO saying she need to slow down? She NEED to slow down? Akon has an apparent dislike for actually finishing words to make them, you know, the words they're supposed to be. Anyway, by the end of the first verse we now know Akon wants to hook up with some low down, baddest thing around town diva chick who every girl bitches about, even though they all want to be her. Fuck me, no wonder I left the mainstream nightclubbing scene. As if this isn't a complete representation of whore "backstabbery" heavily associated with such a lifestyle.

"She is nothing like a girl you’ve ever seen before, nothing you can compare to your neighborhood hoe
I’m trying find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful
The way that booty movin i just cant take no more
Have to stop what I’m doing so I can pull her close
I’m trying to find the words to describe this girl without being disrespectful"

So this girl is like nothing I've ever seen before because I can't compare her to my neighbourhood hoe or whore? Well firstly, Akon, I'm not black and don't come from shitbag areas where a neighbourhood hoe/whore is something I would use in a song like an every day reference that everyone should relate to. Secondly, what makes her so special that she's not comparable to a neighbourhood hoe/whore? Fuck, I don't think any girl I've dated is comparable to what I can only assume a neighbourhood hoe/whore is? At least Akon is a nice guy who goes on to say he's trying to find the words to describe this beautiful girl without being disrespectful. He then follows this line with "the way that booty movin I just can't take no more", so I'm assuming that whole "with being direspectful" bit was a lie to melt my heart. You've hurt me, Akon.

So now that he's decided to just go ahead and be disrespectful, we come to the lyrically inventive chorus.

"Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl
Damn You's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn girl"

So... what can we really say about this chorus? Well it's consistent, that's for sure. Sometimes I wonder if Akon is actually from the more bogan parts of Australia. Especially with his abundant use of "you's", eg. "Oi, you's was calling me a cunt! I'll smash ya, ya fuck!", "Wait up you's guys!" and "You's cunts wanna go shit on someone's driveway?". If Akon IS an Australian, this is truly a dark day for us all.

Anyway, the song then takes a further dive into the pool of complexity by repeating itself over again until it hits an outro of the bass beat that Akon probably didn't even produce.

Why the fuck are stupid people throwing their money at this fuckhead? It's mostly woman I can assume because he has "abs" and a good digitial harmoniser to give the illusion the fool can sing. Stupid women like these:


^^ Let's play a guessing game! Try and guess which one is already hoping
he'll advance on them so they can cry rape and get money later?
My money's on the white chick! *throws a twenty down*


^^ Shit, I WONDER why women are treated like sex objects??

...LOVE throwing money at Akon while all he simply does is depict women as sex objects. How come a normal average slob male can't stereotype women as sex objects but a fucking cotton picking black dude can over the radio!? It boggles the mind. A normal man says something slightly chauvenist and he's under arrest for harrassment! A fucking black man broadcasts that shit internationally and women throw themselves at him? Is this an example of how RATIONAL women are - YES.

But I'm getting off target, this isn't about women, it's about Akon. Akon earned an estimated $20 million in pretax earnings over the last 12 months, which makes him an extremely rich cotton picker. But ladies, I tell you, you're lining the pockets of a guy who has an empty head when it comes to respecting women. You might as well be paying me!? You foolishly keel over as he projects the illusion of respecting women, when in fact he is clearly an abundant womaniser himself! You show no self respect drooling over the fool. I also know I know absolutely NO women stupid enough to like Akon - so I go ahead and say this - if you like Akon, you disgrace the female gender. Full stop. End of discussion.

Keep lining the pockets of these black thug R&B "singers" who don't write their own music and sing through heavy harmonisers. I'm sure they'll respect you for it as much as they respect themselves.