Note: I've decided to put this rant under the picture category "THE WORLD IS FUCKED" because it'a sign of the times at how insane things can be. Whether it be Tiger maintaining a squeaky clean image when he was really a nasty DAWG or whether it's the insane media hype campaign over this. It's all a fucking sign of the times. It's wrong that this guy is a role model to kids and it's wrong that his failure is receiving so much hype - further exposing children to a fallen hero. But meh... I figured it's time to poke some fun at this topic. Fuck you, kids don't come here anyway.
Tiger Woods can't help but score a hole in one. Or more like ten holes in one session of sexual frenzy at a time. Seriously, what women hasn't this guy fucked?
Well here's hoping any girls I've had "experiences" with haven't because knowing I've gone where no man besides Tiger Woods has gone is disturbing.
So, with disturbing nightmares behind us, let's explore the evil that is known as:
TIGER WOOOOOODS - MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAA!
Tiger Woods, as we all know, is possibly the greatest golf player on this planet. Which means he's pretty good at the stupidest "sport" on this planet, other
than that stupid sport where they slide a stone down some ice and two fellas scrub at the ice along the stones trajectory for some reason? *silence* :|
But what we didn't know until recently is Tiger Woods is also one HELL of a fucking player. Player in the "Yo gangsta, you is one crazy playa homie" sense. Yes, he knows how to do the women and he knows how to keep doing the women a secret from his wife.
Somebody should've informed Tiger that having prenuptials to the estimated amount of 80 million dollars is an incredibly huge mistake to make when he obviously knew his penis made most of his decisions for him. Ech, could you imagine that thing? Damn, that's nightmares right there. Which part of the DNA did it take? The big black member or the little yellow one? Not sure, could be a little black one or big yellow, who knows? Oh wait, endless amounts of women do! BAHAHAHA!
But seriously, let's mourn for the downfall of the squeaky clean superstar and take a minute's silence for his wife.
Nah... let's just look at the cover of Tiger Woods's new rap album that's soon to be out, now that he's a "playah gangstah" and all.
Official press release from Tiger Woods on his new music career:
"Yo, yo, check dis. Me and my homie playas from da hood got back togevva fo one more fuckin ride. M'man Ice and Dre... well all just figured... yo let's juss kick it one mo' time like when we was chillin' in da hood.
Check dis sneak peek photo of me lettin all mah shit out in da recording boof. Layin down slammin rhymes and trippin beats.
Get dis album before it gets you, yo! Den when we're all done we'll head out, grab some Forties and go pick up some bitches.
Before you bounce homies, make sure you check da lyrics to the first single from us Hole In Fuckin One boys called I'M PLAYIN' WIV A MUVVA FUCKIN PITCHING WEDGE.
Peace out,
T. Woody.
--
I'M PLAYIN WIV A MUVVA FUCKIN PITCHING WEDGE:
Pick a hoe outta my bag
just like pickin my stick
to smack at all dem
muvva fuckin balls wif
Scoring a hole in one
aint no fuckin shit
just like prickin all mah bitches
wif mah muvva fuckin dick
WORD
to your muvva fuckin muvva
WORD
cuz I'll fuck 'er wiv ya sistah
WORD
no bitch stands a chance
WORD
cause I'm playin wiv a pitching wedge
now I got mah game awn
like no uvva muvva fucka
I'm winnin fuckin medals
for no 1. pussy dominatah
my bitch livin
up in mah crib
aint got no hold
on dis mighty fuckin dick
WORD
to your muvva fuckin muvva
WORD
cuz I'll fuck 'er wiv ya sistah
WORD
no bitch stands a chance
WORD
cause I'm playin wiv a pitching wedge
Ugh...
Yih...
a muvva fuckin pitching wedge...
Yih, yih, yih mah boyees...
T. Woody is up in dis bitch right here...
T. Woody is up in all da bitches right here...
Mah muvva fuckin clubs
is like mah fuckin family
but mah fuckin home bitch
used 'em to take a swing at me
I sat her ass down
told dat bitch to chill
told her I fuckin love her
and I think she's fuckin ill
Ugh...
Da world can't stop dis
muvva fuckin niggah
from depleting da world's
supply of fuckin women
Forget mah home bitch
forget all dat dey say
I'm still a muvva fuckin role model
to all da fuckin kids...
DAT LIKE TO FUCKIN PLAY - YIH!
WORD
to your muvva fuckin muvva
WORD
cuz I'll fuck 'er wiv ya sistah
WORD
no bitch stands a chance
WORD
cuz I'm playin' wiv a pitching wedge
Ugh...
I'm playin' wiv a muvva fuckin pitching wedge...
Yih...
a muvva fuckin pitching wedge.
- lyrics by T. Woody | music by Hole In Fuckin One.
--
Silly? I know. True? With all the secrets coming out about this "saint" - well who fucking knows? Quite the role model indeed.
Ugh...
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