*sings:
"WE'RE WOOLWORTHS THE FRESH FOOD PEOPLE...
THAT'S WHY WE PROLONGUE STORAGE OF OUR FRESH FOOD!"
Yes, Woolworths love their fresh food so much... they feel a need to store their "fresh" produce for up to 6 months! Naturally, this is something
that NEEDS to be done because due to the avid nature of a consumer demanding shit they want, all kinds of fruit must be supplied all year around.
Think about it... do apples really grow on trees all year around? It's funny though isn't it? You never really consider that most fruit only has
a short length of seasonal time yet here it is, looking all colourful and lovely at the shop... EVERY MSEASON OF THE YEAR?? Of course, some fruits
are not available all year around. Most probably due to the fact that some fruits, despite how much you lower the oxygen in a cool room, just cannot
be stored for long periods.
Anyway, I've been buying apples from Woolworths now for some time. Each time I've bitten into one time it seemed... odd. It was "softish" at points.
Never really brown... just "softish" at points. But most of the time they were as crisp as a babies bum. Babies asses are crisp - don't argue with me -
I'm a paedophile! So on I continued to consume these apples. Until today when I bit a little too deep into the apple at one of these "softish" points,
only to look down and see this:
Need an extreme close-up?

OHWWWWW! Would you look at that nasty fucking thing!? The camera couldn't pick up the fuzzy white bits lurking in the very centre but as sure as Bill Clinton uses
cigars for more than just smoking - the fuzz was there. If I had intended to buy an apple with a surprise shaved cat's anus pulling a brown eye giveaway prize in the middle
of it I would've been pleased. Unfortunately, I just wanted a entirely edible apple for my lunch.
Mmmmmmmmmmmm... I'm now going on the assumption that every time I experienced "softism" this is what was lurking beneath the colourful, fake exterior.
How odd... it's an almost spherical replica of our world! :)
*vomits*
Excuse me... an Asian in my office just "hocked up a loogie" because it's "in their culture", so they're allowed to be fucking pigs. Classic, the apple
didn't make me throw up but the Asian did... *chuckles and looks upward in a moment of fond reminiscing* Ho-ho! It's always those crazy Asians that make me
throw up.
Back to the point - Woolworths, you may be the fresh food people, but I won't be going back to any of your stores. You, as a conglomerate, are obviously a lot better at advertising and
projecting false images of quality than you are at actually... you know... supplying it!
Right click here and select "Save As" to download audio of what I think should be their new slogan.
|