That's right folks. Mr. T pity the fool that don't like making money... or chocolate cake. He also pity the fool that don't use the "Flavor Wave" to cook all their meals. Well I can only
assume he does after
several
viewings of his recent career move - the "Flavor Wave" infomercial in
which "Darla Haun"
(no idea
who that is Australian people? Don't worry - neither do I) cooks numerous meals
while
Mr. T
simply eats them and says "mmmmmmm" in only the way Mr. T does.
At times
I laugh at how Mr. T looks like the black guy kitchen hand who can't wait to
pick at
all the
delicious food he's never eaten before, because the best meals they serve in
the hood
are meals
like Pork Brains in Milk Gravy, straight out of the can! Mmmmmm, I pity the
fool that
don't
like Pork Brains in Milk Gravy!
At the
end Mr. T is given a new piece of bling to wear, naturally it's advertising the
Flavor
Wave. But
it doesn't matter, because Mr. T pity the fool who don't like making money!
Ho ho
ho, Mr.
T, you scally-wag, you truly crazy mother fucker, sell away sir!
Speaking
of crazy mother fuckers, you should see the audience watching this thing. I'm
pretty
sure when
the camera isn't on them they have several people running around the audience
wiping the
foam away
from the mouths of these crazy, rabid fucking pawns. At one point we're shown
an
example
of the "Flavor Wave" cleaning itself, and if you're imagining robotic arms
coming out of
the
"Flavor Wave" in the style of "The Jetsons" (why were they called The
Jetsons? Jets were
around in
the 60s? Why not The Robosons - or better yet the Flavor-Wavesons? NO? Yeah...
worth
a shot)
and wiping itself down, you'll be disappointed. It's simply using the Flavor
Wave as you would to
cook
food, but filling it with water and detergent. WOW! They don't mention if there
happens to
be ultra
hard pieces that will require SCRUBBING no matter what, or the drying proccess.
They
simply
say, "AND LOOK! IT CLEANS ITSELF!". Back to my point, the crowd goes
fucking apeshit over
the
exhibition of this process. The water starts to whirlpool because the fans
inside the oven
turn in
anti-clockwise direction creating a whirlpool. WOW! HOLY SHIT! I've never made
a whirlpool
in my
pool before or seen water drain out of a round sink. I'm fucking amazed at
this! The water
is moving
in a circular direction!
I haven't
even mentioned the standing ovations some of this food receives once cooked.
It's truly
a sight
to behold. Or the nods of approval and wonderment the crowd gives one another.
I did
catch one
truly spectacular moment out though when an old man turns to a pretty young
lady in the
crowd to
nod and go "yes, that is amazing. But how do they do it?" only to see
the young lady
sort of
stop and go "no... I'm a bit creeped out by you". haha
Oh and
naturally, Mr. T is suddenly entertaining, charming and amusing again. The
crowd laughs and
smiles at
each other with each stupid simple black folk sounding comment he makes. As if
this
infomercial
was filmed back in the 1980s. The only way we know it wasn't filmed in the 80s
is because
Mr. T has
the faded out black guy skin. It's not as black as it used to be, for example
look at a poster
of
Beverly Hills Cop part 1 and then look at a poster of Meet Dave, Eddie
Murphy's skin has faded
with age. Funny, you can actually match the success of their careers with the fading of their skin!
You could also reference Wesley Snipes for similar results. Anyway, same goes with Mr.
T, not to
mention
the large amount of wrinkles, thinner compensated Mohawk and just the general
appearance
that at
this point in his life he is probably at rock bottom.
I will
say the "Flavor Wave" is quite a little invention for its size. I'm sure it's
quite handy, I simply wont
be paying
the ridiculous amount of money it costs. Especially when they have to
exaggerate it so much
on the
advertisement. What kind of crowd goes to a cooking infomercial? Most probably
people who are
interested
in cooking right? But these people look so amazed at the results of the "Flavor
Wave" that I
wouldn't
be surprised if they've been cooking ALL their meals over a fire for their
entire life. They so joyfully join in with the "hosts" qouting the "catch phrase" for the "Flavor Wave" which is (while pushing some sort of handle locking mechanism down on the F.W.) "Just set it to cook and you're off the hook!". What the fuck this means I will never know. Is it trying to say the machine is doing all the work so you're off the hook or is the company adapting to Mr. T's jive talk by saying "set it cook and you're fuckin cool - or off the hook". I don't know, I don't care, it's terrible and it's hilarious they expect us to believe the crowd loves saying it. So much love and support from all the people for the "Flavor Wave".
Not to mention
the chefs
who come on eventually swearing by the "Flavor Wave". "Before, I couldn't
keep up with customer
demand,
my ovens were too slow and I couldn't cope. Now with the Flavor Wave, which
utilises the same
cooking
methods as my old large ovens, I can keep all my customers happy without
sacrificing the food
quality!".
*smacks jaw* Holy shit! This IS an amaz- Waaaait a minute. Did you say how SLOW
your old oven
is, then
proceed to praise the "Flavor Wave" by saying it utilises the SAME cooking
technology of those same
ovens,
only it's SMALLER? So technically the ONLY difference between those old ovens
and the Flavor Wave
is that
the old ovens fit more, so you would have to have like 10 Flavor Waves spinning
around all at once to
keep up
with demand. Hey - that's a bit *shakes hand slowly* IFFY?
My
assumption is they sent Mr. T around to these chefs when he was coming down off
of some sort of
aggressive
narcotic he had just spent all weekend on. Possibly a speedball (cocaine and
heroin) mixed
with a
bit of speed. In his naturally agitated state he threatened them physically,
then held a gun
up to
them off camera while they filmed these chefs vowing to only use the "Flavor
Wave" from now on.
Ho ho ho
you whacky guy, Mr. T. You pity or kill the fool that don't use the "Flavor
Wave". Ho ho ho,
pity or
kill the fool indeed!
^^ WOW!
ONLY THREE PAYMENTS OF $40!! :O
Oh wait... that's $120!? Fuck off!
