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REVIEWS

Surrogates cover

SURROGATES
(2009)

DIRECTOR:
Jonathan Mostow.


STARRING:
Bruce Willis, Radha Mitchell, James Cromwell, Ving Rhames.


REVIEWED BY:
THE BLUDGEONER
THE BLUDGEONER
Share March 18th, 2010


I remember when I first saw the trailer for Surrogates. I buried my head in my hands, slowly shaking my head within this grip. I repeated, "No... no... no, no, no. NOOOO! NO, BRUCE, NO! DON'T YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEE!" So, as you can see, I took it well. Fortunately, I had time to sit down and view this film for what it is worth and I must say - it's worth a shit load of good, magical things! W000WEEEEEEE!

Surrogates is directed by Jonathan Mostow, who also helmed Terminator 3. So any of you would be pardoned for assuming that this movie couldn't possibly be anything other than a steaming pile of cinematically blasphemous, popcorn encrusted shit. Fortunately, for us, it's also based on a fasincating comic book series (same name) which ensures that deep under it's superficial outer appearance of top billing actors and abundant CGI, what we have here is a real gem of a story. If I had picked this title up a year later within the weekly section of the video store, I could have almost sworn Cannon Films had gone back into business and were continuing to serve up it's sci-fi/action gems. Alas, this is not the case. But, it's not alas x a lot, it's just a quick alas. FUCK YOU ALRIGHT! I LIKE TO EXPLAIN MY ALAS'S! *smashes head into a mirror*

Moving on from that detour. To the critics who scored this film badly - what exactly were you expecting? I never went into the film expecting to be enlightened, but I was certainly surprised when it at least made me ponder our world and it's future. This is a film wrapped up in big actor close up posters, slick CGI effects and other wonderous Hollywood trends. I'm actually fucking surprised it didn't come out in 3D. Which immediately gives it a better score in my eyes. This is predominantly an 80s sci-fi/action film, with a little less blood splashed on the screen. Complaints have been made about Bruce Willis's acting in the film, but hey, we all know by now Bruce's talents extend into three major categories of character:

1. BRUCE WILLIS

2. BURNT OUT OLD MAN

3. JOHN FUCKING MCLAINE


In this film - he choose character 1. Walking around with that sometimes glazed over look of contemplation/confusion, yet carrying himself with a sense of self assured satisfaction. Well done B. Willy. That's all I ever ask of you and that's all I'd ever expect. hehe. Expecting anything more is simply as fuck headedly foolish as expecting Keanu Reeves to play something more than a cardboard cutout of himself in a film outside of a Bill & Ted or SPEED.


Surrogates is set in the near future, where we've all become so frickin wrapped up in technology and being lazy cunts that we no longer stroll the urban landscapes with our own legs. We have extremeley life like androids (surrogates - ohhh now I get it) that do our every day meanderings for us. Don't you hate getting up early every day and going to work? Well fuck that. In this future, you get up, lay down in a reclined seat, put on a head set and tap into your android, which stands locked into a holding device while it remains stand by. Imagine the online virtual world of Second Life, or to a more fantastical extent, World of Warcraft. Yet it all happens within the physical realm. Of course, these androids are ageless, much more beautiful versions of ourselves. For instance, when we're first introduced to the film Bruce Willis's character, FBI Agent Tom Greer, has an un-blemished face, youthful blonde hair and probably sits at the middle age mark. Yet when he takes his headset off and logs out, he's the Bruce Willis we all know from 2010, with a grey, scruffy beard to boot! BECAUSE BEARDS ARE UGLY! YARRGHHHH!

SURROGATES 1 - BETTER LOOKING IS GAY LOOKING?
^^ Oh, so better looking means looking gay?
Seriously! This is how he looks when he's gay in The Jackal!

Anyway, Agent Greer, with partner, Agent Peters (the slowly more commonly seen Australian actress Radha Mitchell), are investigating a homicide. A mysterious young man has been seen killing two surrogates. Not only has he killed the surrogates, but the owners sitting in the comfort of their own home have also been killed. Even in this crazy future, that is deemed impossible, yet somebody SOMEWHERE has developed a futuristic plasma type weapon that acheives such a result. One of the surrogates was being used by the son of the inventor of the surrogates, Older Canter (James Cromwell - why does this guy ALWAYS play the inventor of a fucking robot?). It's a classic scene where his surrogate is killed, as he is two pink lips away from fucking a blonde chick on the street when he kicks the bucket. The funny thing is, as it works in our current time of avatars and online personas, the blonde chick was actually being used by an extremely overweight, hair 50 year old man. Ohwwwww! DUDE! You kissed a guy! Ewwww and now you're DEAD! Ech.

A major law has been broken and all punches are pulled to track down this weapon and it's inventor before it's too late. In the process of chasing the killer Bruce finds himself trapped in a region of the city that is inhabited only by humans. Some humans have insisted on not adapting to the surrogates which has caused them to become outsiders of the community. They dwell in poorer areas and are looked at by "society" as dead beats and criminals **Please refer to black people in America. I must commend Ving Rhames for a hilariously cheesy performance as the dreadlocked leader of the human resistance. The humans pretty much destroy surrogate Bruce and his replacement surrogate is a long way away. This means he will now have to roam the streets of surrogate America with his actual body, something that not only shocks people, but also causes them to have concern for his health. It's not safe to actually risk your life driving a car anymore, didn't you know? Yes, I did. I live in Adelaide :) Bah-doom-tsss!

In the process of walking around, less attractive, less perfect and reeking of Bruce Willis, his relationship begins to break down. Bruce's wife, BLAH (BLAH), suffers a scar on her face and less than perfect looks. Her surrogate is a beautiful ROBOT in appearance, leading her to be addicted to all things fake, including her drug abusing friends. Yes, being humans, we have STILL found a way to get high. Which involves a paraphanalia type device that sends an eletrcial surge through the surrogate and obviously through to the users neural connections. Bruce urges his wife to leave her surrogate ways, but it frightens her. Slowly, as Bruce adapts to his non-surrogate existence, he comes to realise the world has defintely turned ass about face and things are pretty fucking messed up. Especially when he's flying through a busy pedestrian zone in his car, smashing into surrogates who only seem baffled, not afraid or hurt, as they stare at him through his windscreen while he's doing 100kph with them laying across the hood of his hybrid vehicle. So good!

A part I liked in particular is the ability for the users to log off at any time (although this does enduce QUITE a headache). Sure, there are public service surrogate parking chambers all about the city. But if you gotta get the fuck out of dodge right away, just pull your headset off and your surrogate will bow it's head in standby mode. For instance, B. Willy is arguing with his surrogate wife in her hair salon when she decides she has had enough and logs off. Bang! Head bows and she's gone. Remind you of a few MSN arguments anyone? hehe. This is what I love about this movie, I actually identify and relate to such a far fetched idea. Mixing in the use of currently technology screens and USB devices, I almost forgot I was even watching a movie set in the future!

Getting back to the story. Naturally, the government is involved somewhere down the line with the development of the weapon eg. all soldiers fighting in wars are now surrogates. As is the sole company behind the creation, mass production and distribution of the surrogates. As the movie unfolds so does a tangled web of lies, deceit, pain and corruption. It's all standard fare thriller/action/sci-fi shit. To say anything wouldn't exactly ruin it, but surprises are always nice hey gang :) Just like on Christmas Day with the pressies. Awwwww... Although I must say the final scene is not your common ending for a sci-fi film, in that the technology is indeed rejected as humanity is finally appreciated for all it's imperfections, chaos and other fluffier shit we try to pretend humanity really is.

But in all seriousness, this movie isn't your average every day sci-fi/action film. It makes you question the way the world is today and when the fuck it's all going to stop. In 2010, children know how to effectively use a computer by the age of 5. People walk around staring forward plugged into all their ridiculously priced and expensively maintained i-gadgets. Nobody talks on the bus now, we just look down at our glowing mini-screens, whether it be an i-phone/pod/pad or just the standard fare mobile phone/laptop. We NEED to be plugged into a machine at all times. It's fucking sad. This movie is so close to the mark as a social commentary on our current times and it's reliance on virtual existence and machinery that it's SCARY. On average, the regular World of Warcraft user spends 22.7 hours per week logged in. That's a whole day of their week spent on a virtual existence. Some people have even made it their jobs to sell shit via WoW. Second Life is even more regularly used. To this date an average figure of A BILLION hours of user time has been spent in Second Life. Second Life is a pixelated living, breathing community of people who have now exchanged an average figure of A BILLION US DOLLARS between them within that world. It has it's own fucking economy and larger companies are starting to move in for a slice of the pie. There is only one further step to make beyond the virtual online world and Surrogates represents that step flawlessly.

We're living in a day and age where ANYTHING is sellable. Imagine the marketing campaigns:

Tired of those love handles? Crows feet won't stop cawing? Well come on down to Surrogates R Us where we can supply you with the dream body and face to boot! Right now we have 50% off look alike models and if you play your cards right, you can throw in a new set of hooters for your wife too!

I bet people who thought "Wow, it's such a superficial world!" back in the 80s, must be literally rolling (on skates hehe) in their denim jackets right now. Superficiality seems to grow and breed. People are becoming more and more shallow, money matters more and more, compassion dies and technology reigns. With so much value on cosmetic and material quality, how is the future Surrogates projects not an eventual reality?

CHECK THIS LINK OUT.

This was just a quick, more immediate search response. If you trawl through the list of related YouTube videos you will find better examples of life like androids that are popping up more and more regularly. They have less attractive models that are capable of travelling on their own, lifting things, manipulating objects. It's only a matter of time until the two combine and the surrogate robots are technically a reality.

SURROGATES_2 - SO VERHOEVEN.

The movie makes you question just how much all this technology is "evolving" us. Are we gaining more from it? Or severing our ties to real life. Maybe all the bad things in the world are there for a reason? Feeling pain creates strength, making a mistake teaches a lesson, death is apart of life and taxes are paid because politicians are greedy cunts. It's just a big ball of shit happens, but we need to experience it first hand. As we adapt to each new technology are brains are numbing and a large percentage of the younger generation are now spending most of their social life staring at a fucking screen in a dark room with fucking headphones on!? A scene in which Bruce and his wife touch each others faces, experiencing the feel of the skin, with all it's imperfections, for the first time in what seems like a year, says it all to me. We've been given the gift of taste, touch, sight, smell and hearing. Let's turn the machines off, go outside and kick a fucking ball around. Go to the beach and have a swim. Hell, go out and get shitfaced at the pub on sunny afternoon.
How fucking Verhoeven is THIS!? Gold! ^^

We are becoming dependant on our machines. Technological evolution is hitting warp speed. A line needs to be drawn, even though it's about 10 years behind the mark we're standing at now. This movie portrays a dramatic version of a possible future. Not only is it thought provoking but it still carries with it a blend of 80s action/sci-fi fun. If you likes films such as Robocop & Total Recall (Verhoeven you genius!) for their futuristic elements and not so much the violence, then Surrogates is a good dose for you action/aci-fi fans that had given up on the new millenium in cinema. It's actually very Verhoeven in it's basic elements. The film thrives and relishes it's fantasy world. The small details are paid attention to, just like the news broadcasts and advertisements on Verhoeven films Robocop, Total Recall and even Starship Troopers. For example, the owner of an apartment block takes our two FBI protagonists to one a victim's apartment. She's a very basic robot. Like she looks OLD SCHOOL. No skin or other organic details. She mentions that her current surrogate is in the "shop" being worked on and this is her rental surrogate. Naturally, she's annoyed because she looks like shit! I love that! Subtly, we've just been informed on a great detail of this fantasy world, yet it's not hard to believe it working that. I stress again, if you're a fan of the late 80s action/sci-fi films, this is a less violent new millenium answer to your question of - what the fuck happened to classic films of that calibre?

Anyway, you'll have to excuse me, I'm heading off to log into Red Light World and I must make haste, the viagra is wearing off.


With complete hypocrisy for spending too much time in front of computers, I give this thought provoking film:
3 OUT OF 5 JAGER-BABIES.
999

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