• FOIBSIMP: FUCK OFF I'M TOO BUSY STARING INTO MY PHONE
• Posted Jan 11, 2011
• Some fur coat donning "glamorous" yuppie hose beast with a surgically altered face - cheek bones that could open a can, teeth so white it will blind you when she smiles, a forehead so stretched and flat you could iron a tie on it, an inner self that could rot the world, etc. - would have you know there is nothing wrong with enjoying the fruits of nature. All good... I personally wouldn't agree and would most probably label her a carcass wearing whore, no better than the infamous Ed Gein except at least he wears the carcasses of the horrid animal we call a human. But my more important issue is the current trend of enjoying the fruits of TECHNOLOGY...
  
  APPLE PRODUCTS :O DUN DUNNNNNNNN!
  
  Witness the horrors as a new generation is spawned. A generation of youngsters learning how to spell via text and social networking.
  
  "OMG JST LRNT I'M A FCKN DOUCHEBAG LOL!"
  
  "MY BRN WONT STP MELTNG LMAO!"
  
  "IM A TRND WHORE ROFL!"
  
  The i-Generation is upon us and with that, all generations preceding the i-Generation trying desperately to keep up with such radical change in fear of age and being out of touch. Mum and dad Jones watching the news, hearing that they MUST stay in touch to "rap" with their kids, understand them and, most likely, try to suss out why kids are SO FUCKING DUMB. Well, here's a Bludgeoner news flash:
  
  THEY ARE TEENAGERS :|
  
  Alas, the constant demand for new technology has instilled a desperation within the common man and Apple are laughing all the way to the bank with their i-products.
  
  i-Pods, i-Phones, i-Pads, i-Dildos... it's madness! I predict in 20 years Apple will be one big government that rules the world with an iron fist. Steve Jobs's head preserved in a big jar, wired up to a centre computer that controls the world. They Live anyone?
  
  REPRODUCE
  CONSUME
  MONEY IS YOUR GOD
  
  And so on...
  
  As you may all well be aware of - Apple has been around for some time. A competitor to IBM and other such computer manufacturers, mostly trailing just behind what would be called the lead. I have no issue with Apple being just another computer manufacturer, business is business. But suddenly they realised something - style and trends MAKE LOTS OF FUCKING MONEY!
  
  Thus comes the first stylish Apple Mac that many a i-Slave will swear by. All good still... the true beast that kick started a generation of mindless zombies walking around blindly staring into a small device's screen with no sense of audible recognition due to their ears being jammed with music is the mighty Apple i-Pod!
  
  The i-Pod was officially launched in 2001. The MP3 audio format was still a relatively "computer savvy" way of listening to music. Tracks were not hugely obtainable and people weren't ready. The range of MP3 players was of but only a few. Obviously as the years ticked by, as did the technology in data compression and transfer, this format of listening to music became impressive and popular.
  
  *CUE POST-90s DISBELIEVERS SMACKING THEIR JAW*
  
  "MY GOD! IT DOESN'T EVEN NEED A DISC!"
  
  *throws mini-disc player out*
  
  Cut to 2004 where Apple's domination of the MP3 player market begins. Since that year a steady rise in their domination has continued. So much in fact that in the USA over 70% of all player devices are of the i-Pod branding! Fuck me, that's either extremely impressive... or really fucking stupid.
  
  Let me just throw this out there now. Just because you own an i-Product... I am not labelling you a trend whore. Sure, I am labelling a large group of owners trend whores. But to generalise about ALL owners of an i-Product is simply unfair. What simply bothers me about the domination of i-Products is the modern humans willingness to be told what to do/buy/like/worship. This even stems into film and music taste.
  
  You can't tell me that Kesha's music is REALLY that good, yeah? Surely, Meet The Spartans was not THAT great a comedy?! Fuck, it's not even an average comedy! But it still made a mass profit, as do the songs of many a shit artist on the radio. We are simply major fucking suckers for mass hype and marketing! Subliminally programmed to want... no... NEED... certain things. Sure, we could put some of it down to keeping up with the next idiot that already liked it and for some bizarre reason said idiot has an influence on everyone. But ultimately that idiot probably liked it because they either have odd taste or because their mind has succumbed to the most influential process in existence - MARKETING!
  
  All I know is looking around these days is quite horrifying. We've become an army of united taste. Everyone wearing the same style of clothes, everyone staring down into identical electronic devices, everyone with the white headphone chords hanging from their ears, everyone with the same attitudes and mindsets which is being numb to humanity and dispensing of social skills. Again, I say everyone in a non-literal context. But either way it's fair to say most of us have given up on individuality and having our own sense of identity.
  
  I wish we could strip things back. It's far too late to do this now. We've become too deeply entrenched within our own hellish technological nightmare. But I say let's throw the fucking mobile phones away... or at least make them just that - PHONES. You know... for talking to other humans with? Let's do away with the MP3 players or just not have them be able store so fucking much so we can endlessly be hooked into them. Do notebooks really have to get any smaller? If I can fit it in my pocket it's too fucking small! We don't always have to be electronically stimulated by a machine (get your minds out of the gutter you sickos). It's destroying humanity and it's destroying our sense of identity!
  
  Nothing is sacred anymore. Nothing is aged and valued. It's a trend whore, disposable society where movies and music don't even come on a playable medium anymore. They're just untouchable chunks of compressed memory now. High demand = high supply! Any game, movie, song, book, magazine or even a fucking audio book advertised as just released or coming soon is immediately downloadable through the amazing yet economically and culturally devastating bit torrent technology. There is nothing left like the instantly prestige style of the vinyl record, the rare laserdisc and even the clunky VHS!
  
  A laserdisc is almost always a special edition of a movie with the BEST artwork possible, often an inner cover production journal and just a superb overall finish. The same goes with a vinyl record. But what we have now is just nothing! Sure, it's less wasteful to have no cases, etc. But where's the fun?! It's not about that now! It's just WANT, WANT, WANT, GIMME, GIMME, GIMME! I NEED IT NOW! Once again, this is destroying humanity as we are raising our children with these values which by all natural causes is being carried into other forms of their daily human interactions.
  
  So as you can see I've rambled. I've gone from ranting about Apple i-Products to a rant on the general state of an on-demand society. But it's all related. I guess as I delved into the topic it dawned on me just how frightening our modern society is. We may have been consumerists for some time now. But at least in the 80s (one of the most indulgent eras of modern times) we weren't socially numb, HYPER consumerists. I'll even admit I'm guilty of this myself.
  
  The funniest thing is human interaction never seems to be an issue nowadays when it comes to anger and defensiveness. Of course, an emotion and a behaviour primarily related to insecurity. I bet I'll receive plenty of that in response to this rant :)