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bludg-eoner: |
Noun 1. - an assailant who uses a bludgeon |
aggressor, assailant, assaulter, attacker: |
Someone who attacks. |
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CUNTS LOVE THE BLUDGEONER.COM: |
"A ruthless and darkly hilarious site which has a
flowing, witty and profane writing style, a strong
visual layout & most importantly an angry-as-hell individualistic viewpoint that is always rewarding. The "rants" section is a particular standout."
Fred of
http://senseofperception.blogspot.com/
"Classy looking site, and funny as s&#%, well
let's
just say VERY funny..."
Lyle of
http://www.addixion.net
"A comprehensive, professional-looking site.
Well written, interesting, impressive. I don't
mind the language. Yes, it's cocky, but I sure
was entertained. Particularly by the rant on Adelaide..."
Louise of
http://www.livewritedream.blogspot.com
SITE NEWS:
December 23rd 2009
Comments box has been fixed. Now when you leave a comment you should be directed to a comment submittal screen and then redirected back to the page you commented on. Fuck me, I'm glad that shit is done.
Cheers,
Bludge.
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RECENTLY ADDED
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BLUDGEONINGS |
February 8th 2010 |
PROM NIGHT
review added.
"Yeah, Prom Night is an insanely frightening film. Because it represents the future leaders of our world down to the T... and fuck me, are they a bright lot. Of course that's complete sarcasm. They're pretty much as intelligent as babboons, only prettier, because - "REMEMBER KIDS, LOOKING PRETTY ON THE OUTSIDE IS ALWAYS MORE IMPORTANT THAN HAVING A PERSONALITY, A BRAIN OR ANY REAL AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE!" *flashes big white toothy smile*..." |
Feburary 6th 2010 |
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February 5th 2010 |
THE RUNNING MAN
review added.
"...a hilariously over the top parody of gameshow/consumerist culture that is both camper than a tent factory at high summer and bloodier than a human abbatoir if it was manned by Myers, Freddy and Voorhees combined... A definitive hark back to simpler, more visceral times in action/sci-fi/exploitation cinema, which didn't rely on CGI. Real stunts performed by real men, with the threat of death or injury just a heartbeat away." |
January 19th 2010 |
SOUTH AUSTRALIA: INCONSISTENTLY OUT OF TOUCH
rant added.
"If there was ever to be a figure within this government to closely resemble Dr. Claw from Inspector Gadget (in that he spreads about his evil, but is never seen), it would be Attorney General Michael Atkinson... if he had his way we would ALL be living in cages, blind folded from the evils of the world, with our only activity being running in a fucking spinning wheel. If he had his way we wouldn't have any rights, we would all just pay our taxes and be toldwhat we like, what to do and how to fucking do it."
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January 16th 2010 |
TEETH
review added.
"It's a shame that this film only made just over it's budget. It's such an amazing movie that should be seen by all. Unfortunately, the masses are so blind and closed minded that if there is a violence in a film then it is simply "too vulgar" or the violence is unjustified when they couldn't be more wrong. If more movies like this were bigger in Hollywood and the box office then maybe Hollywood releases would have something a little more interesting to offer other than Pirates of the Carribean part 9 - Johnny Depp's A Billionaire and SAW XII." |
January 13th 2010 |
"BAAH! BAAH!" SAID THE AUSSIE.
rant added.
"Yes, it worked. Hundreds of thousands of mindless Aussies went out to cinemas in droves to watch a mindless film full of mindless CGI that played in mindless 3D so they could all stare mindlessly at the pretty things and stuff their face mindlessly with fucking popcorn and mindlessly text each other in the mall afterwards while they mindlessly shop for mindless trendy clothes." |
January 6th 2010 |
2010 - STARRING JOHN CUSACK
rant added.
"... reality is much crueler than some three penis ended tentacled beast from any Anime out there. Reality is the 21st century only introduces us to the next deepest step in the pool of human indecency. Not just in terms of voilence but in terms of social sanity and the way in which we all carry ourselves." |
December 18th 2009 |
SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT 2
review added.
"Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 is in fact so bad, it's insanely fucking entertaining. You don't NEED to smoke dope to enjoy this movie. You will turn this movie off feeling more fucking stoned than heroin itself could make you feel, ever. You'll manage to have enough brain capacity left to press stop on your remote. Then you'll sit there, stupified, with glazed over eyes and a single strand of coagulated drool coming from your bottom lip resting against your jaw, "guuuuuh... dat was ferny..." Funny, indeed." |
December 17th 2009 |
MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENTS MAKE PEOPLE SPECIAL
rant added.
"If one of my friend's die, I'm not going to go to the news and start saying, "Fuck me, this guy... shit... he was built like Arnie. On top of that, he was, shit... he was just Ghandi in the second coming, you know?" I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to fucking say that about me. I'd like to have my vices known so maybe other people watching it could go, "WELL, now I know what NOT to do!" |
December 16th 2009 |
EPIC MOVIE
review added.
"...20 MILLION DOLLARS people. That's 40-80 times the amount any of us will ever be involved with in any way before we die. 20 MILLION DOLLARS... to make an empty, shallow, plastic, badly-written, badly-acted, offensive, no-plot, no-nothing shell of a movie. If they had given a quarter, hell... a twentieth (!!) of that money to a smart indie film producer, writer, directing team... well, in my opionion, it could have been another piece of underestimated cinematic brilliance." |
December 11th 2009 |
TIGER WOODS: A HOLE IN ONE
rant added.
"Before you bounce homies, make sure you check da lyrics to the first single from us Hole In Fuckin One boys called I'M PLAYIN' WIV A MUVVA FUCKIN PITCHING WEDGE.
Peace out,
T. Woody." |
December 9th 2009 |
ZOMBIELAND
review added.
"Tallahassee and Columbus make for a great odd couple... watching them argue out their sides of everything they do is a treat. You could almost call them Murtaugh and Riggs (of Lethal Weapon). Of course, that would just be plain confusion because we all know Woody Harrelson and Jessie Eisenberg are both FAR more sane than Mel Gibson and Danny Glover, who were probably the first two humans who developed and were infected by the virus that made everyone flesh hungry beasts." |
November 29th 2009 |
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November 20th 2009 |
THE WICKER MAN (2006)
review added.
"In the uncut scene, when he has bees poured onto his head, he screams out things like "NO! NOT THE BEES! AHH! THEY'RE IN MY EYES!". The only thing is though, reading that just then is MORE dramatic and genuine than watching Nicolas Cage scream it. You will only see these scenes in the director's cut because Neil LaBlute is the only guy fucking crazy enough to actually include these scenes in HIS director's cut! The producers (for the first time ever) actually had MORE taste than the director and KNEW that if the audience were to see Nicolas's feeble attempt at acting they would scoff and exit the cinema!" |
November 20th 2009 |
TERMINATOR 3 - RISE OF THE MACHINES
review added.
"Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines isn't just a movie about killer cyborgs trying to destroy mankind. It's also about pride, integrity and the persistance of mankind.
That's right, a total lack of artistic pride and integrity and the persistance of mankind in ruining every classic film ever made." |
November 16th 2009 |
Lining the pocket of thugs.
rant added.
"So... what can we really say about this chorus? Well it's consistent,
that's for sure. Sometimes I wonder if Akon is actually from the more
bogan parts of Australia. Especially with his abundant use of "you's",
eg. "Oi, you's was calling me a cunt! I'll smash ya, ya fuck!", "Wait
up you's guys!" and "You's cunts wanna go shit on someone's driveway?"." |
November 6th 2009 |
THE WANKER DIMENSION.
rant added.
"Who the fuck is Nicole Kidman!? Oh is she that washed up actress
who used to be pull big bucks after straightening her hair, dying
her hair, getting heaps of plastic surgery and fluking ONE Oscar
Award win?" |
October 19th 2009 |
American Ninja
review added.
"... if you're looking for a decent script with well developed
characters and a challenging storyline, fuck off to the Merchant
Ivory section, please... any film that features the hero of the
piece flinging a car-jack, a screwdriver and other various
assorted vehicle maintenance tools at shitty-acting Philipino
extras who seemingly wandered into shot HAS to be worth a slice
of your viewing time." |
October 7th 2009 |
FACE/OFF
review added.
"...in the world of Face/Off, anything is possible, especially
things like- John Travolta & Nicolas Cage being in the same vicinity
of one another without bashing their heads together constantly." |
October 4th 2009 |
Do The Right Thing
review added.
"From the very start this film appears incredibly aged in fashion
(eg. Michael Jordon clothing features on many occassions with a pair
of Air Jordan's being scuffed becoming a centre point of
confrontation), music, language, style -aw hell, it's aged in
fucking everything, including the film's whole message." |
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