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SINFUL DWARF (ADBUCTED BRIDE)- (1973)
DIRECTOR:
Vidal Raski
STARRING:
Torben Bille, Clara Keller, Tony Eades, Anne Sparrow & guest starring Anne Sparrow's boobs).
- Posted Feb 05, 2009
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h my, what an obscure & twisted little creation this "film" is. Completely mind numbing and pointless mind you, yet still twisted. The cover art has a memorable quote "THE BEST DWARFSPLOITATION FILM OF ALL TIME!" printed on it. There is one problem with that - THERE IS NO SUCH FUCKING THING AS DWARFSPLOITATION FILMS! It doesn't matter though, since there is no such fucking thing as a story, good acting or good camera work in this "film" either.
This film is directed by Vidal Raski (who I can only assume is a SINFUL chronic masturbator & drug abusing fiend) in 1973. I don't dispute it being made in the 1970's and you know why? Because it's full of dirty hippies having unprotected sex while on dope.
Basically what we have here is a hippie porno with dark themes. Olaf (Torben Bille) is a SINFUL dwarf (so that's how that came up with that title!). He's taken a page out of Norman Bates's book and has decided to open up a dodgey shithole hotel for his own sick pleasures. But let's not throw all the blame on young (or old? I can never tell with dwarves) Olaf. His mother, Lila (Clara Keller), is just as much to blame. She spends numerous hours planning SINFUL deeds for her SINFUL dwarf to commit, such as which girls to lock up in their sex dungeon, drinking & smoking heavily and I musn't leave out exposing her wrinkled sultana like body and singing out of key constantly *punches the old girl*.
If my penis could get erect by the mere appearance of a film cover, knowing if it likes it or dislikes it immediately, well it would be confused. With Sinful Dwarf it would have to sniff the cover a bit first, give it about 5 minutes worth of watching, then cower and whimper away like an injured puppy as it realises what a foul dose of gonorrhea it's about to receive. Hmmm... that was probably a bit too graphic actually, my apologies. hehe.
The opening scene has Olaf, the SINFUL dwarf, making a 16 year old girl follow him into his hotel. Do you know how he does this? With a little toy dog that walks around and yelps. This amazes the almost fully matured female so much that she feels she has no other choice but to follow this bizarre looking, limping with a cane, dwarf stranger into his even more bizarre looking hotel house. Why not? Wind up toy dogs are fucking cool!
Yes, Lila and Olaf often bring young women into their hotel and eventually lock them up, keeping them doped up on drugs so they can't escape and naturally the next step is to start selling their young, supple... naked... writing... nipples... mmmmm *shakes head*... bodies to strange men who seem to have no problem fucking women who are injected with a needle about once a day. Alot of the film spends its time showing these men practically raping these women. Very entertaining, if you enjoy boring sex scenes showing the raping of drugged up, dirty, boney hippie women accompanied by a psychadelic soundtrack.
A young couple, Peter (Tony Eades) & Mary (Anne Sparrow), happen upon the hotel, because they're absolutely broke, looking for work and they're morons. We are witness to some fantastic acting by Anne Sparrow, expressing her concerns toward the appearance of the hotel. Peter just tells her to shut up and chill out. He does this through most of the film too, when he's not porking her. Getting to that, Mary immediately calms down about how dirty, run down & clearly "whore house-ish" the place is and now she is in the mood for some sexual intercourse on one of the hotel's dirty beds. Of course Peter is too, he loves the stuff and considering he really only objectifies his wife via her beauty and cares not for her opinion or feelings at all, he's in there faster than a carrot in a blender. This is where the sinful dwarf, Olaf, becomes truly SINFUL! He pulls another Norman Bates and peers at them through a hole in the wall (which isn't all that discreet considering his peeping area is the hotel's common access hallway) while they make ze love. Olaf is really quite SINFUL in this part. He sweats and shudders and his meaty dwarf cheeks wobble and he grits his teeth... then he walks away.
After much bullshit story of Peter needing to find work and leaving Mary at the hotel so she has a chance to sniff around, she happens upon the sex dungeon. She is eventually caught and thrown in there too. Amongst all of that insanity we're exposed to repeated rapings and sex scenes and moments where Lila breaks out into song and dance while Olaf plays the piano SINFULLY. We're further treated to Olaf cane fucking Mary with yet more dwarf cheek fat wobbling and gritted teeth and profuse dwarf sweating. Olaf is not only SINFUL, he is intense, do NOT fuck with him.
Peter finally gets over himself and catches on that his wife has been abducted (hence the original film title - ABDUCTED BRIDE - but as if SINFUL DWARF isn't heaps better) and springs into action. He joins forces with the police where they beat in the door and expose Olaf and Lila for the SINFUL, bad toothed British citizens they are. Which basically means they're like any other British citizen, except they're SINFUL. Actually, the police are so outraged by the terrible deeds at hand, they figure the Chief of Police (they're boss) would have no problems with handing Peter a gun, so he can fucking kill Lila in a bout of murderous & bloody revenge. Nothing better than a killing under the laws of vigilante justice. Naturally he guns her down and heroically hugs his wife. At this point they should have planned the sequel based on the cop who handed Peter the gun - UNEMPLOYED MAN. Ho ho ho!
Olaf is fucking peaking so he makes a run for it. They run outside to meet Olaf standing at the top of the third story of the hotel, looking out the open window at them, SINFULLY. His cheeks wobble more and he sweats more and he DEFINITELY grits his teeth alot more. Olaf can afford to grit his teeth so often because he has private health insurance, reducing his dental bills by great amounts. Alas, after a great SINFUL staring session Olaf decides to jump out of the window. I don't know why and the movie refuses to explain why. Did he want to die in a hail of madness? Is he sorry for his sins and wants it all to end? Perhaps he is just fucking sick of being a pathetic little wobbly SINFUL dwarf. Half way through his descent he magically turns into a really stiff doll. That's what I call SINFUL effects.
Sinful Dwarf seems to have a strong cult following, for what reason I don't know. At first I thought I would appreciate this film for it's exploitation (sorry, DWARFSPLOITATION) value but as it drolled on the fast forward button beckoned me more and more. I can only say the company I was watching it with was enjoying it just as much as I, which means not really at all. I have no problem with sleaze and exploitation cinema, but when a film is pointless, why should I savour the memory of it? Why the fuck should I even be here wasting my time reviewing this garbage? I'm pretty sure this movie came out of a bunch of stoned people, wanting to fuck and be stoned but making some money out of it. I paid 40 bucks to have this piece of shit imported into to Australia and I feel more guilty than the first person who brought Swine Flu into Australia. I strongly suggest you avoid seeing this at all costs. Unless you enjoy watching boney, unwashed hippies fucking each other. Oh, it does hold something else special, it stars that SINFUL little dwarf, Olaf, who stole all of our hearts as he wobbles his cheeks, sweats profusely and grits his teeth. As Dr. Sam Loomis would say, "Ahhh yes, SINFUL DWARF... truly the evil work of Michael Myers!". I agree Dr. Loomis, evil indeed. hehe.
PS. The Bludgeoner apologises for the numerous references to wobbling dwarf cheeks, profuse sweating, gritting teeth and the constant use of the word SINFUL that has occurred throughout this review.
While wobbling my cheeks, sweating profusely (which I do) and gritting my teeth, I SINFULLY give this dud:
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0.5 OUT OF 5 JAGER-BABIES.
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